Kicked in the face

Life is kicking me in the face. Reality is setting in again. Seeing failure and weakness is constant. The depth of my frailty shocks me yet again. Life is been thrown in my direction and I'm sitting in the midst of a huge pile of myself–the same self that doesn't know what the heck is going on. I've been deceived, probably by myself.

I try to think it would be easier to just ignore my need and try to keep living a life of trying to earn approval and doing the right things, but I can't. The deep longing to use my life for something bigger wont shut up. It wont stop. I don't have a choice at this point in time. But I'd choose this something more over anything else.

Transformation. It will only come out of recognizing the sinful state of my heart.

That is all I see Lord, but don't take it away. Do this work in me. Be that fire that warms the body. Let me come so close that Your qualities rub off on me. That Your life becomes my life.