A break from the madness

Well I am dreadfully tired of writing my 8-page history paper on Jane Addams so I'm gonna take break and share something I've been thinking about lately and was reminded of this morning. If I sound funny, it's cuz I'm in essay writing mode so excuse my funny writing.

I recently turned another year older and that question that you get asked by your grandparents has been following me a lot lately. Do you feel a year older? No. I don't actually. I feel younger. I feel like a child. I am a child. Sure, I feel physically like a young adult and don't have the energy of child, but I have a new energy and audacity these past few months. In some ways I feel like I've been forced to grow up, but in other ways it's as if my mental aging reversed and I am a child again. In the past I've built myself up to thinking I was "spiritually" a lot older than I am. I completely convinced myself that I was one of the mature ones, never doing anything bad and always following God with every part of my life. I used my positions and accomplishments to boost my confidence and pride in myself and trained myself to think that way–as if I was better than my peers. That mindset has affected so many areas of my life and, although I still struggle with it, recognizing that I was lying to myself has forced me to see who I really am. And I don't really like who I really am and who I've made myself to be. I kinda want to start over. God said yes.

Actually He initiated it. I guess recognizing, or Him making me recognize, that I am but a child is the first step to growth. Maybe this is the only way to truly grow. By acknowledging my junk and sin and accepting reality. One of my professors said, "Reality is what you run into when what you believe is false." I believed falsely and now I have opportunity to seek truth. And I am liberated by truth. And this is point in my blog where I stand up in the middle of campus and yell "I'M FREE!!!"